we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
