I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
