I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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