somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
