So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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