He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
