my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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