flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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