I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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