the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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