News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dear god my vagina.
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