the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
