Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
