ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
