I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
