Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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