At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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