I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
