There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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