Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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