can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
