When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
