so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
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I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have fence marks all over my body
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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