my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
