Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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