I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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