dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
