Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
