i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
