guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
