everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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