I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
