My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize