Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
