I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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