So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
