So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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