If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
