i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
