well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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