listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
