we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So much rum. So many feels.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize