the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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