I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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