ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
