ya dads aren't the best wingmen
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
