You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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