i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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