JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
