Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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