i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
