I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
