Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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