8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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