GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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