Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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