Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
