This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
