im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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