I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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