I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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