If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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