Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
