The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
