i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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