He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
