You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
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Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize