just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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