I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
