I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
