We won't sleep together?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He better not be in your backpack
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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