Got a toothbrush?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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