My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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