I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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