I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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